A letter to an ex

LIFE LESSON, LOVE

“I won’t ever leave you, even though you’re always leaving me.” ― Audrey Niffenegger, The Time Traveler’s Wife

Dear Sam,

It has been days and I still miss you. Do I ever cross your mind? I used to call you babe or baby, it is funny how I finally want to call you Sam.

Sam, I am getting stronger days by days, I halt myself whenever my fingers start typing ‘I miss you’.

The first time you left, I cried selflessly not knowing whether you would come back to me. I texted you almost everyday for two months – saying sorry, explaining myself, and winning your heart back. At times, I texted you with the same excitement, and respect as if I was still your girl. I wasn’t stronger back then, I hold on to you so tight and refused the idea of moving on.

But, the second time you walked away, I started to lose a little respect, I remember calling you ‘jerks’ in my text. I felt upset when my sister told me you weren’t serious about me. I couldn’t seem to explain to her how you felt about me. Perhaps, it is true. Because you were the one who thought we couldn’t make it through. 

I am always afraid if I get attached to temporary people, and that includes you. What if you were just a man I needed on a period of time? I didn’t think I would accept the fact that you were my temporary happiness. Truthfully, I can’t seem to figure it out what were lessons you had taught me. They say, temporary people gives us permanent lessons. I know that I have to slowly believe that not everything is meant to last. Sam, if you were meant to be a temporary happiness in my life, I want you to know that I am forever grateful for the time we had spent together and for the unconditional love you’ve showered me with.

Sam, I would always remember the color of your bluish grey eyes. I would always remember your scruffy face. I would always remember that time when you wore a wrinkled button-up to work. I would always remember when you drove while face-timing (never do it again in the future, it could be dangerous). I would always remember the bean burrito you always had for lunch. I would always remember our most favorite pasta.

I would always remember the way you called me babe. I would always remember when we talked about the differences between our accent and pronunciation. I would always remember that you never had a drink from Starbucks . I would always remember the worst thing you’ve done when you were a kid. I would always remember you prefer me in nude lipstick than a red lipstick. 

However, at some point, I won’t have to remember you.

Sam, I can let you go and still love you. Letting you go wasn’t the difficult part, still loving you is. Again, love alone isn’t enough. I had learned how to recognize something that wasn’t going to work. I had been telling myself that we were going to work this out. The truth is, we aren’t. I am not going live in the past like I used to. I am not going to convince myself that you will come back and it’s time to give you another chance, the third chance.  

What we had was tremendously amazing Sam. But, it would not be a reason for me to keep on letting you in.

I have had enough. I am tired of waiting, I am not going to bluff on this. But, I never regret the chances I had given to you.

It shows what kind of person I am. I am the kind of person who believes in miracle, who believes in second chance, and who believes not everyone deserves a second chance.

I have made a mistake when it comes to you, I loved you too much and it destroyed me on that moment. Turns out, It was a mistake that is meant to happened. I guess, that is what your  have taught me, to prepare for the realness of adulthood.

Adulthood can be unforgettably confusing, I thought I only missed you in the quiet moments, but I missed you when the love songs are blaring from the radio too. Come to realization, memories are made to be remembered, not be erased from our mind.

Sam, with that being said, I won’t erase our memories from my mind, I will let them stay there, to be remembered when I feel like to. Sometimes, perhaps most of the times, I won’t remember you and our memories, that’s because I am on my journey to treasure the love that’s in front of me.

‘I don’t want you to waste your whole life waiting for me’ – this was what you had told me whenever you came back. Sam, It breaks my heart to tell you this, that I am not going to waste my time waiting for you, I found myself in someone’s heart now. Though I am not sure how  far we have come, one thing for sure, that I am finding my happiness again.

He makes feel warm and safe. He makes me want to feel alive again. He makes me wants to travel around the world with him, finally I feel like letting someone replace your spot to be my travel buddy. He makes me want to be myself in front of him, with no make-up on, like I did whenever talking to you.

He is asking me about my family, my late parents, and he is a little bit afraid to meet my family like you felt. I do not know what I have gotten myself into this time around. He reminds me of you, with the hair and eyes color, the same height. But, he is a totally different human. He looks hotter than you, a little muscular, and he goes to gym. He is a little outgoing while you are very shy.

Sam, I just want you to know that I am happy despite of the late night tears that no one knows. I laugh and smile whenever talking to him. I cry because sometimes in a day, I do not remember you at all. I cry because he makes me want to remember him instead of you. I cry because I want him instead of you.

I am sorry if this marks the end of my loyalty towards you.

Sam, I knew someone’s better is exist but I created further pain by refusing to look at it. I guess better things are always ignored. I shall direct my attention to him, do not get me wrong, it’s  not that I think of him as a rebound; I want to make myself believe that there is someone out there who deserves me like I deserve him.

I might eventually have to convince myself that I was hiding behind the idea of ‘you’. I did not see it coming but you made it clear that you do not love the idea of ‘me’. Somewhere inside of me, I keep reminding myself of the ugly truth.

Sam, it took time and careful thoughts for me to finally craft this letter. I spent weeks debating whether I should actually post this letter in my blog, it feels so strange to let people know what was happening between us. But if this the only possible way to ensure the letter reaches you, I would do it.

Sam, my stomach rolls. How I hope this is the right way to say goodbye. Separation between two people who were in love with each other is difficult. I am relieved that I am not alone throughout this healing process, but it must be lonely and tougher for you if you are still not moving on.

Though you are no longer the man I am looking forward to say ‘I love you’ every morning, each day I still find a part of me that still loves you.

It is heartbreaking to ask you this, Sam, I want you to find your love. Do not just settle for anyone, settle for someone that loves you more than I loved you. And if there is some crazy twist of fate that makes you come back, I can’t guarantee you get a hold of me again.

Love,

Nana

Wait as long as it takes & move on when you’re ready!

INSPIRATION, LIFE LESSON, LOVE

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I think he left me again, as silly as it sounds, he just did yesterday. And they say lightning doesn’t strike twice. But, this is the third time. I had a silent cry when I read the goodbye text from him, I just sat on my bed not knowing what to do. I was trying really hard to not get hurt again. It just didn’t work on me.

Should I chase after him like I normally do or should I finally say goodbye to someone I love the most in the whole world? 

It breaks me, it hurts. I’m not sure how many pieces he breaks my heart into this time around. I let myself grieving, like I always do every time he leaves. Just seeing myself in the mirror is heartbreaking. I can’t stop crying in the foetal on my bed while listening to ‘When you’re gone’. 

I want to write him a letter begging him to come back but knowing the fact that sending him letter would risk his career. I want to text him ‘good morning’ text like usual, but it is too risky for him. 

It’s my favorite part of the day, ‘Good morning baby, happy working, work hard so that I can eat McDonald’s everyday.’

But now, I’m going to sit on my bed, turn off the lights and write myself a letter, a letter to Nana, the girl he didn’t fight for. 

Dear Nana,

It’s okay. 

Cry as much as you want to, cry when you sing along to the heartbroken songs while gripping the steering wheel like you always do. Cry silently with your hands over your mouth, so no one knows. Cry your eyes out, pour your heart out, release all the aches through the tears. Because one day, you’ll wake up next to a man that won’t never make you shed a tear.

Reminisce all the memories you’ve built together, reminisce how does he look like, reminisce the moment he tilted his head while staring at you. Reminisce how does his voice sound like when he tells you, ‘you’re exceptionally beautiful today’ – He meant it, it was a truth, his words never leave though he chose to leave. Because one day, you’ll decide to not reminisce the memories you’ve once had with a person that you can’t have.

Thank him for all the late night calls. Thank him for being the source of your confidence when other reasons let you down. Thanks him for being the main support system when you told him you want to be writer that inspires, he was there assuring you that no dream is unreachable. 

Nana, you know the fact that he’ll be forever a part of you. Even though he chose his career over you. The love he once had for you was genuine. He said goodbye when you were both still in love, you trust him, you know that. He never cheated on you, he never disrespected you, he loved you for who you are, he was there through the ups and down, he was your dream comes true, and he was the man you wanted to be the father of your children.

However, he gave up on love, he gave up on you. That’s not love. If he really loves you, when you love someone you just, you don’t stop.

You love him, you want him to have everything he wants no matter how much it destroys you. You think he deserves the love. Guess what? You’re not the one with regret Raihana, he is.

One day, he’ll look back and realise that he lost a girl, who’s more than just a girlfriend. He lost a best friend who’d been there for him. He lost a girl who prioritized him over herself, you selflessly loved him; you stayed awake for hours so that you could listen to his voice, and talk to him when it was his lunch time. He lost an amazing girl who accepted him for who he was, never once you asked him to lose some weight just because he thought he wasn’t handsome enough for you. He lost a girl who changed his perception of marriage, for some reasons, he wanted to get married, and have kids with you. He lost a girl who loved him the best, he’ll realise the girls who come before or after you could never replace you. He lost a girl for one reason, come to realization that other reasons asked him to stay. He lost a girl who made him wanted to be a better man, without her, all he do is working. You made him alive, you made him wanted to explore the world with you, you made him wanted to read books. He lost a girl he could trust the most, a girl who was extremely loyal, who waited for him twice and still took him back after he fucked up that relationship.

You love him and you just need some guts to go through your days without him. Again and again, you still choose him over other the whole world’s advice, over your own advice. Can you love him from afar? You’ll keep on loving him even without his permission, always. One day, You’ll let him go. You’ll stop tormenting yourself but It’s just hard to let someone go, you know that. Now, tell yourself, how do you look at him, the man you love, and tell yourself it’s time to walk away? If you walk away now, will you both find each other again?

He said, he would do anything to be with you. But he didn’t. That’s an enough reason for you to know what to do.

Sincerely,

Nana

I’ll wait as long as it takes, and move on when I’m ready. It’s okay if someday, I’ll meet a man and fall in love. Make sure love comes naturally, like he came into my life. Summer Finn, there’s such thing as love. You’re wrong.

Love,

Nana

My all time favorite books

BOOKS

What’s your favorite possession?

Mine?

Books.

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Books bring me right back to how tangible life is, yet at the same time, allow me to indulge myself in the unreachable dreams. I can lay on my bed all day long, and read my favorite book without even flinch. But, it takes more than just 50 Shades of Grey!

I am fond of a book that is deeply moving, or that is taking me somewhere unexpected. Like, every page is making me feel on edge and overwhelmed with mixed emotions. Sometimes, I had to stop gripping the page and took a breath. That shows how I’m hooked.

At times, I can’t help but wanting to grow together with the characters. I pictured how they are supposed to be growing.

Often, I stuck with the idea that everyone should be looking forward to read life-changing books. The realization hit me, sometimes all we need is a rom-com of all time or a gory-horror stories.

With that said, your favorite books shouldn’t be just life-changing. Be true to yourself and acknowledge your favorite.

Let’s get into it, my four favorite books!

1. The Time of My Life by Cecelia Ahern 

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The woman who are neglecting her life and living in lies. She lied to her friends letting them know that she dumped her boyfriend, Blake. She doesn’t enjoy doing her job, no one knows she doesn’t know how to speak Spanish yet she writes manuals for electrical appliances in foreign languages.

Lucy’s pretentious life is very relatable, isn’t? Nothing uncommon about her, she could be you, a woman who’s giving up and uninspired. What makes me flipped to the next page? When she is signed up with a life agency. Nah, not a life insurance agency, sweethearts. 

She has to meet Life despite her persistent avoidance. Finally, *drumroll*, she meet life. Life is a man, who seems like he hadn’t brush his teeth in a while, with a bad breath. To make it more worst, he wear a wrinkled suit, with dishevelled hair, not to forget his hands are clammy. Need I say more?

Lucy’s Mum: Is he handsome?

Lucy: Mum, that’s disgusting, he’s my life.

I wonder what if my life shows up one day, would he has unbrushed hair or wear stinky clothes?

Not gonna give away spoilers! Just a little more, Lucy’s life can change depending on Lucy’s choices. He could be wearing a non-wrinkled shirt but in return, Lucy has to do something for her life. 

Hats off to Ahern for a thought-provoking character!

2. It Ends with Us by Collen Hover 

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It began perfectly, but it’s the only book that I couldn’t even finish in a day. Because it’s the most heart wrenching book ever. I have no idea how many time I cried throughout reading the book. It’s too heavy, too personal and it touches the most taboo subject in the universe.

As a Malaysian, I hardly come across a book that open up your eyes on how terrible this issue is. People hate to talk about domestic violence, as if it’s the most disgusting issue. 

Lily, she married a perfect man, a man who has a reputable career, neurosurgeon.  She’s like no other, falling in love too hard, and yes it’s the best feeling ever. Until one day, she can’t keep on holding onto the love she once had for her husband, Ryle. It’s not because he cheated on her, but he abuses her. To make it more worst, she’s pregnant. On top of that, her first love comes back in her life.

What I really love about Lily’s character is, she’s the kind of woman who makes decision for the sake of her future, she left Ryle despite she knows that deep in her heart, she still loves him. After all, love isn’t enough if Ryle still hasn’t change. And she learns from the past, she realizes how devastated her life was, having an abusive father. 

I reckon this is the most devastated part in the book, years of dating or how well you know your other half won’t guarantee that he’s the one you’ve been looking for. It’s true what people told me, you’ll really know him once you sleep under the same roof and sleep in the same bed. 

Don’t call yourself a bookworm if you never read Collen Hoover’s. Honestly, I have no idea how she can pull off every single book she wrote.

3. The Girl You Left Behind by Jojo Moyes

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Well, who doesn’t know Moyes? The woman behind the famous, Me Before You! Okay, you must wondering why not ‘Me Before You’ right?

Well, this book merges 2 stories, and the 2 stories revolve around a beguile painting. It’s not easy for anyone to give a fair share to four main characters in the book. Somehow, it works!

The woman in the portrait, Lucy, was left by her husband, Edouard, who decided to fight for the country, France.

She has to survive living under the German Army surveillance. However, ever since a German commandant is enthralled by the painting, she started to plan her escape. To be honest, I believe he secretly falls for her, not just her beauty or her portrait in the painting.

I am left with questions, he offers her a help to be with her husband again, in return, she has to give him the painting. The painting is like her most personal belonging, she gives it anyway.

Why I can’t wait to flip to the next page? Because I want to know how could her painting is now in Liv’s bedroom, Liv is the woman in the 2000s. She got it as a gift from her late husband. But, her life turns upside down when Edouard’s family claims that their family is the legitimate owner of the painting.  

If only he wasn’t staring at her portrait throughout his whole life, the painting wouldn’t be in Liz’s room!

P/S: My best friend hasn’t return the book (almost a year, grrr…)

4. If I break by Portia Moore

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It’s definitely a book that makes you cursing inside! Because don’t you think it’s weird when a husband isn’t cheating but he doesn’t come home? And he’s so believable despite of days and weeks he left her alone wondering what’s his secret.

Full of surprises and nothing I expected was right! When I read this book, I could feel the frustration and anger that Lauren feels. It feels strange, Cal, he seems like he loves her to death, however when he arrives home after days or weeks leaving her, he turns to be a jerk, it’s like something wears him out.

It’s getting worse when he left her for almost two years and she already gave birth to their daughter. Still, she’s sitting there crying and pining away for him! 

“I woke up to hear Caylen crying on the baby monitor. When I tried to go to her, I realized that my door was locked. Then I heard Cal talking to her. I couldn’t get to her; I couldn’t get out.” Why does he comes home but avoiding seeing his wife?

I expected that he’s in undercover or he has a wife and kids somewhere. But… there’s a picture of a man looks exactly like Cal named Chris Scott with an older man posed for an annual pie eating contest.

That’s when Lauren’s life is turned upside down, her husband doesn’t recognise her, and he met a girl within the 2 years he left Lauren. Need I say more? 

Truthfully, I don’t expect him to be  someone who’s having a split personality disorder. Oops, sorry for the obvious spoiler!

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Now, I am curious about your four favorite possessions? I choose books over anything else, they’re always there, when I’m lost, uninspired, depressed, happy, enthusiastic and even busy.  The meaning of book, for me, is life. I can’t imagine my life without it. The longer I read books, the more love I have for them.

P/S: My fellow Malaysians, I know it would be hard to instill the interest to read, slowly but surely. Remember, there’s nothing wrong with starting late, as you get older, you need to read more than just Facebook status or Twitter tweets!

Love,

Nana

 

Why I can’t move on & why he came back

LIFE LESSON, LOVE

I cry almost everyday, and sometimes, it was too hurting, like the whole body is crying. Crying in the foetal position on the bed for hours, and wiping the snot and tears from my face, everyday – A routine within the 2 months.

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Breaking up hurts. There’s no word can describe the lingering wound he left in me. However, I choose to go through the process with maturity. Maturity is when I allow myself grieving the loss of a lover. And maturity is to not force myself to fall out of love. 

The truth is, I would never say goodbye to him. I never stop loving him. Loving him prevents me from moving forward. It’s not wrong to keep on loving someone, it goes wrong when you do let it controls you.

I believe, time is the best healer. And I know that one day, I have to let him go. But now, I’m still waiting for him to come back to me, on the other hand, I’ll let the love in, I’ll allow myself to fall in love again.

I only experienced heartbroken once before this recent relationship. But, it was when I was eighteen. I thought, it took almost 5 years for me to really move on. Turns out, it’s not that I still had a feeling for him within the 5 years. 

I was just being thoroughly careful with my decision and choices. When it comes to love, I’m the kind of person who doesn’t take risk. I’m afraid of choosing a wrong man, and who wants a relationship that won’t last long? With that said, yes I could have moved on way earlier than 5 years, but I hindered myself from moving on.

Deep down I knew back than that he wasn’t the one, we never talked about marriage, he never really asked about my family, he called me when he had free times, he was just there, not that he really cared about me, never even once he wanted to declare our relationship. It was an unrequited teenage love I had for him. 

But it was nothing compare to now. This is toughest breakup I had. Indescribable, that’s the word, I have no idea how to describe the pain.

Perhaps, because we had been planning our future together, where would be the wedding ceremony and when would it be. He would move to Kuala Lumpur, get a job that suits him here, and travel to countless of places we both love. Picturing our home, and talking about how lovely it would be to have kids, how do they look like. 

That’s just a plan, it doesn’t sound convincing, but it certainly feels right. 

I’m writing it now because I can’t keep it to myself anymore. That I have faked everything, I can’t even move on. I can’t sleep at night without crying. I have faked it in front of everyone. I’m faking it in front of my family. I only told my 2 sisters, 2 weeks ago, via texts. 

Everyday, for a month I was so miserable, I cried myself to sleep knowing that I might lose an amazing man for good. It’s more than a month he went away. But, how could I still have such a strong feeling that he’s the one for me? 

Sometimes, when you thought you’ve got everything figured out. It wasn’t. It wasn’t supposed to be the way you want it to be. Sometimes, you have such a strong feeling that it’s meant to be. But, it’s actually the opposite. You might not see it now though the signs are always there.

Above are the words I pen down weeks before he came back. Alhamdulillah, he’s back to me now. This time around, I have a word for it, grateful. 

I never chased a man like I chased after him. People say, never chase someone who left you, well, in my situation, I was the one who walked away first. Of course, he didn’t chase after me, because he thought that was what I wanted. Thank god, me being me, when I want something too badly, I would do everything to get to it. 

“I’ve been running through the jungle
I’ve been running with the wolves
To get to you, to get to you…”

I was about to stop chasing after him few days before the last attempt getting him back. Until one day, he decided to talk to me again. I was a bit reluctant creating the newest fake snapchat account, knowing that he never added me, basically all he did was ignoring me at his best. Truthfully, that was the happiest moment in my life, after more than 5 snapchat accounts I created for the sake of winning his heart back, he finally stopped ignoring my efforts.

 “But then, I got your messages and friend requests so I guess I wanted to see how you were and what you were feeling.” – Him 

The almost 2 months of break up opened up a space for both of us to reflect on ourselves, It had made me stronger in facing with his rejection, it had made him stronger in letting me go.

Because, there was no point of having a perfect boyfriend, happiest relationship if we never shed a tear, or have an intense argument over things. Yes, we had a tremendous blast from the first day we met each other to the day I asked for a break up. I guess, the almost 2 months apart from each other was supposed to be happened.

If not, I hadn’t come into realization that in relationship, it’s more than just a love,  more than accepting his imperfections, more than offering endless supports, It needs a mutual understanding, and understanding is all about communication. Communicate, talk, speak up, and voice out everything that are running through our mind.

Some people drift apart for no apparent reason despite of being so near to each other, why should I leave him when our love is still like a fire?

Instead of  crafting long texts saying goodbye, I should reveal everything, why I was so afraid of losing him. I feared we wouldn’t be able to be together. And he shouldn’t remain silent when reading those texts, he should question me why I wanted to leave him.

However, everyone deals with the after effect of a break up differently.

This is him: I love you so much that I want you to be happy, even if that happiness no longer includes me.

And this is me: It’s not going to be easy. It’s going to be really hard. And we’re going to have to work on this every day, but I want to do that because I want you.

Because, he is a well worth fighting for. Never in a million years I would chase after someone. Hmm, I guess, I should ditch all the pledges I’ve made to myself. Not that I complain!

I questioned myself, why him? He’s busy working, we never go on a date, we’re far from each other, he rarely have a day off, while he’s awake I’m about to sleep, we’re 12 hours apart… and etc.  We’re two people who’re happy together and most likely being apart from each other is miserable. 

I want him, he wants me, we have to work on this everyday, well, Noah’s words are surely overly romantic and only existed in a movie. But, it’s so true, don’t wait, if you want her/ him, get your ass over there, don’t just sit on your sofa reading The Notebook and waiting.

There’s no definite assurance that one day I’ll wake up next to him, but there’s always a tiny assurance to those who don’t give up on love. There’s no dying there would bumps in the road, I can’t keep on dodging them in the hope it won’t be any problem. 

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Love is like a box of pizza, you’ll know what you’re going to get, yet, it’s never enough. – Nana

When you eat a slice of pizza, it’s exhilarating, the next slice would still be exhilarating, but the third slice might be a little deteriorating, and when it reaches the fourth one, it could be the mixture of both.

Often, deteriorating love can’t be fixed. If it’s a mixture of both, exhilarating and deteriorating, save it, find as many as possible way to make it flavourful again.

Love,

Nana

My Top 5 Nicholas Sparks Movie Ranking

LOVE, ME TAG, MOVIES

Can someone hand me a box of tissue?

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Watching Nicholas Sparks’ movies for the weekend isn’t a good choice for someone to move on. I had no plan to watch any romance movie in the recent time. But, for the sake of Spark’s movie ranking, I sacrificed my eyes.

When you’re into romance books, you had a high expectation for the movies adapted from you favorite books. I’m fairly certain that if you read all Sparks books before watching the movies, you would be anticipating the indescribable chemistry between the lead actors. Yet, you wish to see a very refreshing scenes that’ll stick to your brain. 

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Kissing in the rain, canoeing in a lake, sending love letters, disapproving parents are so synonym with Sparks! As you read this, it reminds you of Noah and Allie. Safe to say that their on-screen chemistry are too good to be denied. Well, even I still have my undying crush on Ryan Gosling just because of The Notebook.

For someone who’re always immersed herself in a movie, she’ll notice that John and Savannah wrote letters to each other, Alex asked Katie to go canoeing with him, Will’s mother shows her disapproval of his relationship with Ronnie. *Sigh*

Let’s cut the crap. It’s time for the ranking. Number 1 goes to…

1. The Best of Me

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The sweetest scene I love in the movie

Spark’s movie that I watched more than The Notebook. Well, no doubt James Marsden and his scruffy face make me drooling throughout the whole movie.

Though the love story is a bit cliché, rich girl falls for poor boy. To make it more ironic, Dawson comes from drug-dealing family. Then here comes the parents disapproval… oh yeah a kissing scene in the rain too. lol.

When I first watched the trailer, I couldn’t seem to guess what’s all about. 

Any romance movie that involves with years of separation surely entice me to keep on waiting the day they’ll cross path again (Girls always be girls, expecting the happily ever after) 

To make girls cry, heartbreaking ending will do. I didn’t expect Dawson to be dead at the end. “I lost you once, I’m not going to lose you again.” When your long-lost bf tells you this, course it kind of guarantees that he’s not going anywhere. 

Death does happen in real life, and it could be the number 1 reason you’re not meant to be together with you lover. I can’t say no to any movie with a realistic twist. 

2. A walk to remember

The very first Sparks movie that I watched. Who could say no to a movie of a dying teenager who just fall in love with the infamous bad boy.

Not to mention, who could say no to Shane West, I mean Landon, believe it or not, he’s the forever bad boy you’ll have a crush on. I was in high school watching the movie and I wished there’s famous bad boy with that laid-back attitude and a crooked smile.

And Jamie’s character as a religious teenager is brilliant idea to set off Sparks movies in 2000’s. Because we hardly see a movie with a lead actress like Jamie.

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When someone tells you to not fall in love with her, she knows you’ll and you know you’ll. Well, don’t you feel it always happens in real life. Love is funny sometimes, you know you can’t be together, yet you don’t want to stop loving her. 

The word ‘scared’ – the movie depicts the fear of losing people we love. 

Jamie: “You know the real reason why you’re so scared?” Landon: “It’s because you want to be with me too. 

Jamie: “I’m scared of not being with you”  Landon: “Oh baby that will never happen”

A quite decent movie! Very brief kissing scenes, and there’s no sex scene, still, people would watch it over and over again. Because love is love after all, you don’t have to come out with sex scene to make people realize it’s love.

Love is indeed can’t be seen. ‘But our love, is like the wind, I can’t see it, I can feel it.

3. The Last Song

Not the most romantic movie I’ve ever watched. But, it moves my heart with its own way. When I’m in the mood, I would slip under my blanket, turn off the light, and immerse myself in it.

And again, the cliché teenage love story. A rich boy falls for a normal girl. She’s not blonde, at some point, she was insecure of his playboy past.

As usual, Nana is a forever fan girl of those hot male celeb out there, It’s freaking Liam everyone! 

Perhaps, because it portrays the love between a father and a daughter. Or the quotes that you wish they come out from your mouth. At times, I feel like I’m Ronnie, I tend to push people away. People who I love the most. 

“Sometimes you have to be apart from people you love, but that doesn’t make you love them any less. Sometimes you love them more.” 

This movie is something real, it opens my eyes to see the things I refuse to see before.

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The part where Ronnie finally read her father’s letters, shows that love letter isn’t just about you and you boyfriend. 

5. The Longest Ride

Love letters. Again. However, Sparks makes a twist with this one. It works, partially, entirely? Nay. A cowboy and a city girl falls for each other? Not so surprise, Sparks’ masterpiece is all about love from the different world. 

What made me stayed throughout the movie? It’s all about the true love between Ira & Ruth! They may not be the lead couples, but they touch my heart more than the other. You’ll feel like you’re one of them, that you’re in love.

Ruth wants lots of children and Ira is unable to father a child because he suffers from the war injury. I can’t believe such love exists, Ira let Ruth leaves him to have the happiness in the world. Hoping that she’ll have children. 

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Appreciate your other half despite of she/ he has nothing to offer except love. Love wins everything. Always. 

5. The Notebook

Noah sent Allie 365 letters, for a year.  He built Allie a house. He waited Allie to come back to her though it took her to fall for another guy. Tell me what’s more tragic than this? And Allie’s mother kept the letters from her.

The fact that Allie falls for another guy and come back to him, that’s the reason The Notebook is not my number 1. The Notebook is too good to be true, it’s too tragic to some extent, I’m afraid I might not be able to wait for him like Noah did. 

The fact that Noah is willing to wait for her for years is what’s everyone looks forward in a romance movie. Love is all about being in that together, nobody says it’s easy, it may be hard. But if you want her, you’ll cross the ocean for her.

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And what’s more romantic than watching Noah reads to her when she doesn’t even remember him?  True love withstands the test of time, not everyone can ignite the spark after years of relationship. I believe, elderly couples do, in fact, they might not even realize they do.

Done, my 5 favorite Sparks movies! Comment below what’s your favorites! 

How can I stop crying if this what I’m talking about? While it might not always be easy to wait for someone, not knowing what he feels, no one can halt me from hoping. I don’t know why but I believe he still loves me, it’s only a month, how can he lose the feeling? 

The scariest thing about distance is, he might forget me, he might be dating someone now. What if he loses weight and girls fall for him? Will he falls for any of them? I wish Sparks comes across my blog and makes a book or a movie out of it. 

Love, 

Nana

 

 

Who can say no to sweet tooth?

FOOD

I wasn’t a huge fan of sweet sugary food, I would say I won’t choose a slice of cake over a pizza or burger! But, I came from a state which is so synonym with sugar. People would never set apart Kelantan from sweet food. Normally, it gives the bad impression of my hometown. Not that it’s too bad, just it’s not good for one’s health.

When I was studying in Kedah & Sarawak, my friends would always question me, ‘Why you aren’t like the typical Kelantanese?’ It wasn’t a bad question, but I’m so tired of answering the irrational question? Do you get me?

Trust me, not every family in Kelantan favors sweet food. We’re brought up differently. We’re all Malaysian, but not all of us aren’t time conscious. Isn’t it? Same goes to Kelantanese. My parents are both Kelantanese, they didn’t prefer sweet food, even if when my mom made tradisional ‘Kuih‘, the taste weren’t overly sweet, it didn’t make me drinking while eating.

I’m not considered as a fussy eater because I eat anything, however when it comes to sweet food – kuih, cakes, puddings, cookies, pastries, or ice-cream; my tongue can’t tolerate too much sweetness. Some people like me can’t stand it. Still, once in a while who could say NO to sugar? 

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It’s me & Salted Caramel Cake

My BFF popped out a question about ‘Which kuih I love to eat the most’? I believe, no matter how far we go, how urban we are, how young we are, we’ll always have at least one favorite kuih! Growing up in a very small town introduced me to how delectable the tradisional kuih.

When my mom was younger, she used to sell kuih. She would prepare variety of kuih early in the morning and delivered them to the nearest school and stall. I don’t really remember all the kuihs’ names but it’s okay, I’m waiting for my older siblings to reply my text. Just so you know, I’m eating a kuih now, kuih bingka labu!

If you happen to drive around Shah Alam, Seksyen 13, you’ll right away notice a huge sign board named ‘KUEH‘ on the front of black colour restaurant. Omg, you should visit the place. You won’t regret.

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Here’s the inside

At first, I was like, ‘Normally there’re FEW hipster cafes/ restaurants that serve tasteless food. Look aren’t really everything! Numerous hipster cafes out there tried too hard to be the most hipster cafes. Yes, they have gone viral but how long will they stay in the industry with such lack of quality food?

Insatiable craving for kuih so badly made me asked my siblings where could I get extremely exquisite tradisional kuih. No one gave the answer when I was asking whether there’s any  famous street stall owns by an elderly. Sometimes, I’m skeptical of the young owners. Not that I don’t think they’re a good cook. I’m so immersed with the idea that elderly knows how to cook basically everything.

See, the thing about believe is that, sometimes, it’s never right. As a first-timer, if I went there again the next day, means KUEH is a success. The taste was impeccable, like you went back to 1990’s. The best part is, they’re not too sweet, it’s brilliant, because to cater for the people from different states and countries, one’s ought to improvise the sweetness.

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I was rushing so wasn’t able to take lots of pictures there.

I’ve never thought that someone would go all out to commercialise tradisional Malaysian Kuih in the world of insta-worthy food. The kuihs may not look like any insta-worthy food to look down upon, but they’re the definition of the real drool-worthy. They prove that they don’t have to look any different to win your tummy. Hats off to the owner!

Now, let’s see the 20 kuih that I’ll be forever in love with *drumroll*

1. Cek Mek Molek

2. Kuih Topi

3. Kuih Puteri Ayu

4. Kuih Bom

5. Tepung Pelita

6. Kuih Ketayap

7. Kuih Keria

8. Tepung Bungkus

9.  Akok

10. Kuih Cara Manis

11. Nek Bak

12. Kuih Koci

13. Lompat Tikam

14. Kuih Butir Nangka

15. Kuih Peria

16. Onde-Onde

17. Putu Mayam

18. Kuih Kosui

19. Kuih Sagu

20. Kuih Kura-kura

So, what’s your favorite Malaysian kuihs? You can find most of above kuihs at KUEH. These what I had for the first time I went there – The green-white layers is Puteri Ayu, the ball look alike is Kuih Bom, The white in banana leaf is Tepung Pelita, the huge one is Kuih Topi (it looks like hat) and I don’t know the name of the kuih covered with sugar. Lol. 

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Yesterday, I went there again due to the traffic was very congested. I chose to hang out at KUEH instead of any cafe that has WIFI. At least, I was able to finish up some works. I bought Kuih Peria (the red one), Kuih Puteri Ayu again, Kuih Kura-Kura (the yellow one), Kuih cara Berlauk (with the meat-stuffed), and kuih kasturi.

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How I wish I know how to describe the ‘kuih-making’! Basically, I can differentiate between the fried or steamed kuih. I can describe the texture; it’s either fluffy, chewy, powdery… And I might know what are the ingredients; it could be grated coconut, red beans, dark palm sugar (gula melaka)… But if you ask me, what kind of flour to use to make the dough, I’m doomed. Or how to prepare the kuih, I’m doomed again. Instead of indulging the kuih, I have to learn how to make the kuih.

At some point, I was thinking, we shouldn’t leave the traditional kuih behind. So, my latest mission would be learning how to make kuih. My sisters aren’t constantly making them these days but I believe they know how to make it. 

And it’s funny how I’m talking about kuih now. When I first started this blog, I was only into giving my two cents on the concerning issue in Malaysia. Come to think of it, I love writing too much to waste it. That’s why I just craft any write-up regardless of the topic. 

Love, 

Nana

 

Which one should I write?

ME TAG

1. Food I can’t say no to!

2. My ultimate book-boyfriends (yummylicious)!

3. My favorite cringe-worthy moments in Korean Dramas!

4. My British celeb crush!

5. Books I cry myself to sleep!

6. Nicholas Sparks’ movies ranking!

7. My guilty pleasures!

8. Movies I would want to watch over and over again!

9. 90’s songs I listen to!

10. My ideal type guy! 😉