10 things people don’t know about Nana

ME TAG

What are the things people might not know about me?

So I was writing another write-up, as usual, my partner in crime, my BFF aka my work partner, randomly asked some questions about me, like, the things people do not know about me. So, here you go… my blogs should have some fun too, can’t be serious all the freaking time.

1. I have 3 birthmarks, they were on my right knee, near my belly button, and on my back.

2. I didn’t know how to ride bicycle until I was 11.

3. I don’t eat people favorite’s food like half cooked egg and sapodilla (ciku).

4. I broke my hand when I was 6. (Because I tried to tie the curtain while climbing the chair).

5. I eat the most bitter vegetable, bitter melon that people don’t like to eat.

6. I have a slightly fractured middle finger because my finger was trapped between the door and the floor. Also when I was 6

7. When I was in college, there were only 2 girls named Raihana aside from me.

8. I never played PlayStation .

9. My parents gave me 50 cents for my pocket money when I was in primary school.

10. My car broke down in the middle of the night in city area and 3 men helped me but I would never tell my oldest sister.

Love, 

Nana

Move on tips from the freshly heartbroken Nana!

LOVE, TIPS

You know what’s the most painful feeling a human will go through? When you force yourself to fall out of love. Because your relationship is no longer a relationship you could be dreamed of. We can’t never get everything we want. 

Perhaps, the relationship isn’t fated to be yours. Heartbreak is extremely painful (If only I could show you my swollen-eyes…) Everyone would go through this, at least once. They had moved on. It could be years, months or just few weeks to move on. But, they did. Nothing comes easy, it took times and extra efforts to move forward, to carry on your life while wondering how does it goes for him. 

Move on. You can’t stop moving forward. It’s hard, but you have to force yourself. Don’t force too hard, be a little loose on yourself. 

Accept the fact that it comes to an end. Love doesn’t guarantee any relationship stays forever. Sometimes, it’s not because he stops loving you, if it’s meant to end, It would.

Girls, stop begging him to stay. Stop dwelling on the reasons he got away. Stop wondering why he chose to walk away. 

I survive. My heart might not fully heal yet, but I’m not going to dwell on the past. I’m going to move on, to continue living my life to the fullest.

Living your life to the fullest doesn’t mean you have to forget the past. It doesn’t mean you have to get rid of the memories from your mind, be a little loose remember? Let the memories stay, but, accept the fact that the moments were temporary, because that’s how the universe works. You have to experience losses, heartbreak, rejection & failure. 

Living your life to the fullest proves that you’re strong enough to let go of something that isn’t meant to be yours at the first. It proves that you finally believe that not everything you lost are your losses. 

Ouch! Enough with the teary eyes. Let me bring you to the paradise of moving on! 

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1. STOP watching any kind of romance movies or TV series!

Don’t ask me why! Because it will bring you back to the moments you don’t want to remember. Watch fun games show on TV. Do not ever watch The Bachelor kind of reality show! Believe it or not, The Bachelor is a huge setback for you to move forward. It won’t heal your lonely-broken heart and far from make it easier. And cliche-romance-scenes might trigger you to find a rebound at instant. And you don’t need that, trust me. Falling in love should come naturally. It should be your fun time girls. It’s time for you to laugh your ass off. My suggestion would go to everyone’s favorite Korean Reality TV Show, Running man. 

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2. Constantly making times for your passions!

Don’t tell me you don’t have at least one passion! But, If you don’t, it’s normal. There are people out there who’re still confused on the difference between hobby & passion. Perhaps, it’s time for your passion discovery. Passion is not just about the things you believe you’re good at. It’s a passion when you aren’t really good at it, but no matter how costly or time-consuming for you to become better at it, you’ll try to make time. It’s beyond efforts or money you’ve sacrificed. You’ll realize it’s your passion when you don’t feel like wasting your time, and you crave to do it if it’s been a while. Above all, you’ll know it’s not a passion if you aren’t happy. Happiness is the key! You know what I’m super-duper happy about? Writing, reading, cooking pasta, food hunting, and travel (due to the very unavoidable time & financial contrast, I have to put aside my travel bucket list. Anyone wants to give me free tickets to anywhere in this world? 

3. Learn something NEW!

You would never go wrong with learning or trying something new! What’s your latest new thing? Mine, It would be inventing a new pasta sauce. I don’t even know what should I name it, and the most fun part is, I enjoyed myself doing that. When you come out with a new creation, a new idea or a new invention. It’s a proof you’re loving yourself by discovering your hidden potential. So, what are you waiting for? Get your ass somewhere. No, I am not kidding. Now, learn new thing, it doesn’t waste your time, take risk. You can’t be good at everything but you can try everything! 

P/S: Should I learn how to crimp a curry puff? Because I’ve tried buckets of time, yet, they never looked like a curry puff. Don’t lose hope Nana. It doesn’t hurt me to try, right? 

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4. Go on a food hunting! 

Omg, this is my forever favorite! Who could say no to Cendol, Kuih Keria, Apam Balik, Roti Canai, & Malaysian FoodYou should eat like Dean, looks like he couldn’t help but grabbing a mouthful of burrito. Just remember to tone down a little bit on the staring part. Instead of spending your money on romance movie tickets, it’s better off this way. 😉 Don’t be afraid of gaining weight, you could handle it afterwards, the more important thing is, you should devour scrumptious Malaysian food before you’re getting old. I know you’re getting older, you might have to cut off the consumption of spicy and sugary food. But as for now, welcome food with warm hands. Food is world’s wonder after all.

Hmmm… I’m thinking of going to food hunting this weekend, where should I head to? Ipoh anyone? 

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5. Have a short escape (preferably fun)!

Come on, who could resist a chance to have a few days off! Pack your bag, buy a walk-in ticket, and pick a location. Malaysia has countless of short-getaway places girls! Choose what’s your favorite, solo trip or BFF road trip. Then, you’re ready to go. Embrace your short escape moments, I reckon it’s better to turn off the phone! Fill your day with lots of activities. Well, exclude the girl’s talk session! It’s a huge concern that’ll lead you on conversing about your ex. And girls, you aren’t living life to the fullest if you aren’t checking out hot foreigner dudes! It’s my favorite, anytime, anywhere. Haha. Let’s cut the crap, have you watch The Secret Life of Walter Mitty? If you haven’t, you should. My all time favorite. “Life is about courage and going into the unknown” 

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6. Make some changes! 

Again, a tough decision to make, but when we’ve done 1 change, we would be addicted. Truthfully, the decision I’d made to cut off my waist length hair to chest length to bob cut in a month, it wasn’t solely because of the hair falls. Breaking up with him was one of the reason. Never get it wrong, changes is amazing. I felt good cutting my hair off though I’m so into wavy-long hair. It has shown me that I’m able to cope with the changes. Thus, now I know why I’m able to hide my heartbreak tears in front of my family. Because I choose to go through this heartbreak with maturity. 

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The 6 easy and thoughtful tips from the girl who’re in the moving on phase. Oh yeah, why I didn’t tell you to delete his numbers, texts or social media? Because you should have done that way before coming across my blog!

Take back the shattered pieces of your heart, don’t try to fix it if it doesn’t match. It’s hurting way more than when it’s broken. – Nana

 

Love,

Nana

Copy writing mistakes YOU did at least once

TIPS, WRITING

“Who says you can’t do things you don’t love? You love doing business but you hate writing? Then, how far you’ll go?”

Everyone can write, because everyone has a story to tell. But not everyone can touch your heart.

You were wrong if you think everyone can craft a copy writing. You were wrong if you think you can come out with an impeccable copy writing in just 60 seconds.

Because I believed the same few minutes before crafting my very first copy writing. I was like, ‘This is an easy-peasy task to do!’ – It seemed like a piece of cake, it was about lipstick, any girl who doesn’t wear lipstick could utilize some bombastic words and voila, anyone would buy!

The truth was, I took 20 minutes to finish just a few line of copy writing. And it took less than a minute for my supervisor to cut half of the sentence off. 

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So, first lemme take a selfie. Lol! (jokes).

Here you go; the basic rule of copy writing from the point of view of my one year of experience being in the field. (A year could teach you a lot, trust me!)

1. Don’t write a college essay!

You can’t assume everyone is lounging by the beach.

You have to expect people are always on the go, like, entrepreneurs, they’re on their way to meeting clients. They could be the next to hire you, Mr/ Miss copywriter!

You might be able to reach out housewives with your long-speeches copy writing, but just in case you don’t remember, they’re cooking; you don’t want to be the main factor of the extremely burnt fried chicken.

The most important, don’t lose the target audience. The possibility they purchase the item is higher than your height! 

Thus, keep it short, simple, and straightforward. 

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2. The fail first sentence!

That’s why the top-selling copy writing is normally the one-liner. When it comes to copy writing, never wait to incorporate the interesting facts in the second line/ sentence.

The same rule goes to any other write-up, when your first sentence is too boring, the readers either skip the page or stop reading.

You only have 3 – 5 seconds to persuade the readers to buy the product.

And the biggest reason you fail to sell is when you can’t even differentiate the words persuade and force.

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Don’t you think it’s kind of ads that you would read it again, out loud, for the second or third times?

In fact, it sparks your curiosity and eventually make you feel thirsty (though you aren’t!) Because you might want to hear how does it sounds. Though you won’t right away find the classic coke bottle, still, you’ll buy.

3. Overly usage of common words!

Your Copy Writing: ‘Jom beli tudung murah untuk raya’

VS

Their Copy Writing: ‘Nak… mak teringin nak pakai telekung Siti Khadijah.”

You think you could sell your latest collection of tudung bawal (hijab) in just a week, and that’s your copy writing?

Come on, that’s your 9 years old nephew’s. The answer is no, you won’t sell at all. Make use of bombastic words in this case.

Don’t feel ashamed of being dictionary’s bff. Instead of using the words ‘get your’, perhaps you can use ‘grab yours’. Stop using, ‘Don’t forget to get your new shoes’. Use ‘Don’t hesitate to grab yours now’!

If you’re a small business, don’t play safe with words! It’s time to gain your new customers. Don’t compare yourself to the established company, they may look a little relaxed because they have already grasped the rules of thumb of ads! 

4. Lack of creativity with words

You plan to update your social media 7 times per day, and you keep on crafting the similar style of copy writing from 8 a.m. to 8 p.m.?

Where’s jingle?

The recent copy writing I crafted able to captivate the middle-aged women’s heart! Because I ‘berpantun’ with them on Facebook comments.

If you aren’t a Kelantanese, Kedahan or Sarawakian, don’t let it halt you from using the dialect to hook the readers.

But, don’t use dialect too often! You ought to know when and where to use. If you’re targeting the urban area’s teenagers, would they be able to know what’s the meaning of ‘sigek’? Perhaps, they might not even know how to speak Malay. 

giphy (1).gifRemember kids, It’s all about know who are your customers. Make jingle out of words!

5. Never ooze emotions!

Don’t be a jerk who doesn’t show his feeling. Do realize that business is all about customers, not you, not your product.

Don’t talk like a text book quote, converse with them like they’re your sweethearts. Of course you want the best for them. If they don’t use your product – they’re one step behind, their life is dull, they might get in a huge trouble.

 

 That’s what we call emotions. Put yourself in their shoes and try to walk into their life. Then you’ll understand their emotions.

It’s lunch time! Gotta go, I hope you learned something just now. Best of luck to those who just started endeavouring into online business, home-made services or anything. 

 

Love,

Nana

I’ll be waiting here

LOVE

How do you know you just fell in love? 

I swear to myself that I’m not going to write about my love life or anyone’s love life. Being in love and falling in love with you drives me here. To share with my friends how I’m certain that I’ve fallen in love with someone. Though I doubt now that I’m going to keep on falling in love, I might fall out of love from now on.

When I’m writing this, my tears keep on rolling on my cheeks, my hands are shaking, my heart beats fast – if only you know how much I miss you. I’m not going to hate you for the silent treatment you’ve throwing at me now. I’m not going to regret knowing you, ever. I’m not going regret that it’s now coming to an end. I’m not going to regret telling you how much I love you, for the first time, 20 days ago.

When I’d the first conversation with you, It wasn’t my aim to find a boyfriend – it was just a conversation I needed to get rid of my boredom. You seemed different, just different in a good way, neither flirty nor boring. You were just a man who were super-duper bored, obviously you weren’t trying to hit on me.

It was all started with ‘hi’. Nothing fancy, simple; the word ‘hi’ could be an end to a conversation. Somehow, it was a conversation I didn’t want to end.

To be frank, it was very rare for me to have a long conversation with a man, a stranger to begin with, however, you were the kind of my reflection. We talked about our hobby – one of them is reading! Reading is my number 1 hobby, so any man who reads is damn sexy in my eyes. It’s a ‘thing’ I want in my future husband, because my dream includes instilling a reading habit among my children, and I need a help from a man whom I call husband.

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t instantly fall in love that right moment. Neither do I ever realise when was the moment I fell in love with him. But, that was the moment I don’t want to let go.

You told me your favourite food is Fettuccine Alfredo, not knowing that it’s mine too. When I told you it’s mine, you were so shocked. Hahaha. Not to mention, the movie genre we prefer is action. You were like, damn, we have so much in common. Three were enough for me to stay in a conversation with a stranger. I forget what were the other things we talked about. You want to know why’s that? Because you were never once boring.

You asked for my snapchat account, luckily I signed up for the sake of playing with the filters. It was a beginning of a friendship, nothing more – two human beings who were so goddamn bored and thought a friendship could help. It was though, at least I didn’t listen to the same songs over and over. I was like, ‘hmmm, he’s cool,’ I thought. I didn’t know his full names, where he lives or anything like that. There was something about him that gave me the good impression. I was about to tell him my snapchat username, he was gone, because he had to.

I ‘lost’ him for a week, luckily, I accidentally met him again. The truth is, throughout the 1 week, I was hoping to come across him again. My eyes were searching. I was fated to meet you, I guess. I believe in that, that we’re fated to meet each other in our life, but I’m questioning and wondering, what’s for? Whether you’re a man who entered my life to teach me some lessons that I’m not ever sure. Or a man that’s created by Allah s.w.t to be my soulmate. 

I still remember the first chat we had on snapchat, it was about how good you were at pickuplines. Of course you weren’t, you are nerdy, it was the thing that spiced up the chat. If you were like the ‘pickuplines god’, it would surely turn the chat to the infamous hitting-on-girl-session with tons of cliche pickuplines. Hahah. It was a first snapchat I didn’t except, I mean I was expecting you to keep on asking about my biography.

We never skipped a day to have a chat on snapchat, in fact everyday, we never repeated the same old chats, we even thought of the new ones, always, without fail. You just went along with the game I just created on that moment – ‘Tell Me Your 3 Favourites’ Do you still remember this babe? For the fact, I never followed the rules, I kept on telling more than 3 favourites, you just laughed at me, you told me it was cute. It wasn’t a cringe compliment that could make me blush, it was more, it made me now realised that you paid attention to the details.

Someone told me this before, ‘If he makes your heart flutters and beats so fast, he’s not the one. But if he makes you feel safe and warm, marry him.’

Guys, if you question me now, ‘When, where, why & how did we fell in love?’ There’s no definite answer. I could fall in love with him anytime, perhaps the first time he told me I’m beautiful eventhough I used the big mouth filter, anywhere, perhaps when we were chatting on snapchat, because we never went out on a date. 

I would never notice the very first moment I fell in love with him, because there was NO camera was waiting to capture the moment and produce a movie out ouf it; NO music background that you could hear in bollywood movies like in Har Dil Jo Pyar Karega, when Salman Khan run into Rani Mukherjee, kissed the hell out of her, she freezed and there it goes, the song starts to come out; NO out of nowhere ‘wind’ strikes, everyone halts what they were doing and freezed in their tracks for a moment, there left us, staring at each other.

Stop picturing the overused cliche scenes in the romantic movies that might not even happen in real world. Nevertheless, because these days, men went all out realising the cliche proposing scenes, we can’t argue if girls wish the cliche falling-in-love scenes can happen any moment to them.

With you, I was more matured. I didn’t throw tantrums like a spoiled girlfriend everytime you told me you were busy with works or you had to get back to work immediatelly after having a lunch. Your lunch time is the moment I’d been anticipating for, everyday. Sigh.

I miss the moment you got in your car and you would text me, ‘Hey, baby, how was it going today? What are you doing? I’m going to get my lunch now, miss you so much!’ And followed by your silly or cute filtered-face. (:

It was the moment I treasure, I would spill out everything. Nonetheless I thought before I spoke; it’s your lunch time you would be busy and stressed out with workloads the whole day, so I’m not going to add on the stress. It was a way I expressed my love and respect to someone who always lighten up my day with his laughs, not his problems.

When you love someone, it’s undoubtedly true that there should be any secret, tell him or her everything, even the bad day you have at work, but it’s not necessarily that right moment he/ she arrives home. It’s time for the comfort, for the sweet gestures. 

You weren’t perfect. You weren’t the handsome face I ‘sometimes’ dreamed for in a boyfriend. I’m not a fussy lady, just that, it’s normal to have your ideal type man, isn’t it girls? But there was something very real about you, that it only made you more handsome to me – the smiles-creases around your eyes, the hawk-fleshy nose, the too fair skinned as compared to my tanned skin and the not so gym-athletic body. Despite of the flawsome in you, nothing halts me from keeps on falling in love, hard.

I was unsure of how it had ever got to this point, things had got a little out of hands recently. Because every relationship has its own struggles. Same goes to us, never once you complained. instead you were always positive and believe that there’s a solution for every problem. Yet. I wasn’t thankful enough for that, I was so overthinking of the future. I was afraid we couldn’t be together for some reasons, so I took such a silly decision to walk away first. We weren’t fighting, we were happy, babe. I trust you, it wasn’t a trust issue. I trusted you before, and I still trust you now.

I don’t know why but I have such a strong instinct that you’re the one for me. That one day,  it’s either me or you who’ll find each other first. I think it’s you. You’ll find me. Come back babe.

Would you be able to fall in love with other girl and letting me go? Knowing that I’m here waiting for you everyday? Would you able to let go of someone you love the most? I won’t stop praying for us. If we love someone, no one understands how does it really feels. People might say that it’s infatuation. But I’m not a young girl who never dates. I’m almost 25. I know how to differentiate love and infatuation.

Love is when I don’t care how you look like despite of your insecurity… Love could be any other reason. And it could be no reason. 

The definition of love would be different for others. People could tell me that it’s not love. But do they feel what I feel for you? Do they really know me.

Would I be able to wait for you for years? I want to but I’m not sure whether I would be strong enough to wait. Would you suprise me on my birthday next month? I wish I only have to wait for days or weeks or months.

Babe, if I could change back time, I would never give up on us. I would never tell you I wanna end this. Because I am not. I am still hoping and waiting for you. Come back back. Please.. I know you read this blogon 24th and two days before,  right?

I miss you.

Love,

Nana

 

 

 

 

Sometimes I feel like I’m not grateful…

LIFE LESSON

Assalamualaikum (:

Hey there? Whatcha doin’? Any of you here watch Phineas & Ferb? I don’t, that’s the infamous words I would never be able to pronounce exactly the same. Fyi, this is the longest post so far. Go make yourself cozy.

No one was born with the imperfection, those who were born with no arms or legs are special; there are limited edition. We’re perfect in our own ways. Yet, there’s no such thing as ‘she/ he screams perfection.’

Because you should say out loud, ‘I am the one who screams perfection.’ 

Hmm.. let me give you an example, take a look at the Instagram beauty influencers? They make me feel so ugly sometimes, they appear like a porcelain doll with the fairest and flawless skin. Who’re nothing like me! In fact, the complete opposite of me. But, have we seen them in real life? Like, right in front of your face? If you zoom closely, I bet you might find at least one acne scar. Perhaps, they could be having breakouts, don’t forget that makeup can hide anything you wish.

It’s all about practice makes perfect, if you wear makeup everyday, you’ll reach to the point that everyone’s having a hard time finding a tiny smudge on the eye-shadow crease.

It has been a while since the last time we spoke, I mean, the last time I let my fingers danced on the keyboard, It was around middle of January. I have been indescribably missing this blog too much. Lacking of idea is not the main issue, I had few concerns to be talked about, but they got stuck in my mind for the last couple of weeks.

Here’s the thing, no matter how badly I try to deny, I could recall the comparisons I’ve made between myself and the others. You might be surprise, I know. Normally I ooze the confidence and optimism for some reasons, but not most of the time, I’m so unbeatable when it comes to hiding the vulnerable side in me. If I let my guard down, everything would go shatter.

I might not wear red hijab because I thought, I was too tanned; red only suited the fair-skinned girl. I might not be able to stand in front of class and present, because to be honest, I was too afraid if I spill out the wrong words. Not to mention, sometimes I was afraid if the English pronunciation doesn’t sound right to everyone’s ears.

See, I did have insecurities before, tons of insecurities. Mostly, I compared myself with the girls who impressed me so much; not necessarily everyone else.

Before, I was so envy of what they had and what I did NOT. I was so immersed in the feeling, to some extent, I blocked most of them on my social media. It was childish, no doubt there, seeing more beautiful version of them make me hating myself so I stopped. Little did I know that I always have what they have, but it’s just in different forms, values, colors, shapes, sizes and etc.

I do own a pretty face like they have, but mine is on the unique side rather than the typical beauty standard, it’s exotic. I’m different from the so-called typical Malay Beauty, it’s not in a bad way. Why should I compare myself with the girl who’re fair-skinned? while knowing that most of Malay girls out there, are gunning to own the same complexion. I should be proud with the skin I’m born with, it’s a little on a dark side, not all of my friends are as tanned as me, most of them are fairer.

Thus, it’s time to commemorate my uniqueness – with the tanned skin, thick eyebrows, straight short lashes,  hooded eyes, plump nose, uneven lips, chubby hips and thighs, and my 5 feet height. I may find someone who looks almost the same, but no one would  be 100% exactly like me.

With that being said, I’m so gonna pull off anything I wear and being bold from now on. Wearing full makeup wasn’t my thing before, yes, you’ve seen me wearing dark red lipstick but that was it. I was insecure to swipe on colors on my eyelids, because I thought hooded eyes were not created for wearing eye-shadow.

Have you heard of this before? ‘Makeup should not cover your beauty, instead it should enhanc your beauty.‘ Girls, beauty is not in the makeup or clothing you’re wearing, it’s in you. Well, if that’s so, why’s the soc-med beauty influencers still look more stunning, gorgeous and beautiful than you? Because you’re the one who choose to believe so!

They aren’t going to look so pretty if they don’t have confidence, it’s all about confidence when they are wearing gazillion of different clothes. For me, confidence is exactly like a smile on people’s face. When one’s not smiling, it’s hard to seek for the beauty in her. But, when she put on a huge genuine smile, voila. That’s like confidence. No matter what’s the situation, whether it’s raining – if you’re showing off yourself, no one would realize how intricate the sequins on your top.

Embrace what you have, even the tiniest thing you never put so much thoughts on it, like your body. Insecurities can lead you to be ungrateful. When one says, ‘Why I’m not beautiful as her?’ It shows that you’re being ungrateful of what you have been given by Allah.

Allah could take away what you’ve been gifted, every time I run into the blind people, I could cry right away knowing that how beautiful the blessing Allah has let me borrow from the day 1.

The blind people can’t see how beautiful when it rains, how beautiful the smiles on their children, how beautiful when people laugh or how beautiful the countless of colors. There are few times when I was driving and I couldn’t stop the car to help them crossing the roads, whenever I was in that situation, there were always others to help them. It’s like Allah knows what’s in my mind. 

I am slowly letting go the envy I have towards others who have different blessing than mine. Being able to talk, to see, to hear, to walk, & to touch – are the most beautiful blessing ever. 

As I grow older, I slowly stop comparing everyone’s journey to mine. Keep in mind that no one is walking in your life’s journey, including your husband – you may live together, may share the same bed, still, when he wakes up, he heads to the different road. 

Everyone has their own timeline.

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Several days before completing the three-months of internship at a very well-established company, I received the offer from the company; it was not a permanent job, it was a six-months contract. I accepted the offer knowing that was a rizq from Allah. I only had to wait for a month to start off my very first real job.

Alhamdulillah. I realized 2 things, Allah won’t right away grant my wishes if I hadn’t pray for it (I kept on telling myself if they offer a job, I would be delighted to accept). Not just that, I told my former co-workers & bosses that “I wish to work here if there’s empty spot for me.” Sadly it’s time to part with the company, nine-months of being an assistant to Public Relation Officer taught me a lot. I was able to enhance my skills in the field, up until now, I’m still thankful for the very thick ‘writing portfolio’ I have.

Again, I was lucky, the rizq I hadn’t seen it coming, headed on my way once more. I had just to wait for a month to begin working in a field I’m good at. My boss recommended me to his husband’s company, how lucky I was when someone who’s very experienced appreciates my works. Sadly, it was only 3 months; I wasn’t suit with the advertising agency’s culture. I love the job but I wasn’t great enough to stay after three-months of probation, at times I regret the only 3 months I worked there.

Now, I appreciate it more realizing that if I were to receive a job offer soon, I would know what are the things I should improve. The short months I had there taught me more than the 24 years of living. One day, if I’m ready, I’ll share the experience to the readers.

I was jobless from September 2017 until January 2018, it was too long, five-months. The months helped me reflected on myself as a person. My siblings kept on questioning me on why it was too long for me to receive a job offer, they might be expecting I wasn’t looking for anything.

The first few months they popped out the question, I was mad at them for asking, I hated myself more for unable to prove them how amazing I am. You know how I felt back than? I felt they were looking down on me.

However, towards the end of December, it was all about rizq. That was my thought. Allah never grants us with everything we want. For some reasons, Allah would give s the thing we’re strong enough to bear with. And, Allah would test the ones who aren’t thankful enough for what they have. The most important thing to keep in our mind is, Allah wants to know how badly we want things we wish for.

Now, I realized, before receiving the 2 jobs offers, I wanted the jobs so badly. Hence, it makes sense now, I’m currently working as a Social Media Person. The job I’m good at, the job I’d been waiting for. Not all of us are lucky enough to give back what they had been working on for years in university.

My oldest sister never had a chance to work as an engineer with her Chemical Engineering Degree. On the bright side, she taught chemistry subject for years. Don’t you think being a teacher is the noblest career ever? She never tells me she regrets going through years studying the course. 

My second oldest sister is now a full-time housewife, when everyone else is worrying about how’s everything going on at the nursery, she can cook for their lunch, give them bath. She’s now very thankful for what she does. Not all of the mothers out there are able to do want they wish for.

On the other hand, they both are no married in their 20’s, it’s a blessing. Being able to get married at a younger age is such a blessing to anyone. Being able to have kids are a blessing as well, there’s no guarantee for everyone. Again, it’s a rizq.

There are women out there who’re now holding the highest title in their company, yet they never married. My sisters may not work in the field they had been studied for years, but that doesn’t mean they aren’t lucky or good enough to work in the field, it’s just how  the universe works.

The single women who’re in their 40’s & above may not tell you, but I bet not all of them want to be single, we never know when their time will come, some of them might not get married yet. Some of them might be single forever. 

My cousin is working her ass off as an admin and selling hijab as a part-time job. She was a tourism student, she wants a job in her field. You know why I was jealous of her? When she told me, it’s better now to work in Kelantan because she wants to take care of her mother. I was jealous because I would not have the chance to do the same. Aside from her own will, I believe Allah has written that’s her path so far, and my path to live with my mother ended almost 15 years ago. 

Everyone is going through their own path. If they could be grateful, why not us? Do not get me wrong, wanting more is NOT ungrateful, like, we want more money or we wish for a bigger house. We’re ungrateful when we’re complaining the amount of money we have. Because there are people out there who’re still borrowing some money to rent a house. 

My brother studied pharmacy and is now working as a pharmacist for roughly 10 years. Same goes to my sister who is now working as a senior journalist. They got what they want, we may see them as one of the luckiest, but do we know what are the struggles they had to face and the efforts they had put on throughout the years? No, as a sister, I still do not know everything.

They are single. See? That’s what I’m talking about, despite of we’re so jealous of those who work in the field they want, that doesn’t mean they got everything in one shot.

The grass is always greener on the other side, I love this phrase. Everyone does. It’s so true, yet we should not always keep this in our mind. It tends to prove our point when we’re complaining. Stop complaining if we never make a change, if by complaining change you to be better, than by all means, go for it. If we complain and never change, that’s the end of it.

There were complaints that were plagued in my mind for last couple of months.

I was still dwelling on why I bought a return (not just a one-way) plane tickets to Korea and yet I didn’t go there. I was supposed to travel to ‘my-so-called-wishlist-country’ around early of 2017, the main reason I couldn’t go there was, it was too early for me to apply 7 days leave as a contract employee – it was within the 3 months working. I could still apply if I wanted, it would be unpaid leave; I didn’t because I put on so much thoughts on it. I had to pay for the road tax in the upcoming month, if I go there using the seven-days of unpaid leave, It might affect my saving, my petrol & toll expenses, & my lunch pocket-money. Although I was using my sister’s car, It was on me, it was my responsibilities to take care of everything concerning the car.

Therefore, guys, it’s a lesson learnt. Never plan anything too early beforehand, if we couldn’t read what’s coming in the future. I regret the decision I have made to buy the plane tickets but never in million years I regret facing the problem. The almost RM400 I had burned on it was not meant to be mine at the first place. I always hold onto believe that there’s always someone’s rizq in my money.

Then, I realized, I wasn’t really dwelling on the reasons I couldn’t go there. I was dwelling on the reason why there are girls who’re in their 20’s could go there and I was not one of them. I was such an ungrateful person, some of the girls who went there might not have a job they want up until now, they might have to rent a house while I’m staying at my sister’s, they might have to work the job they aren’t happy with while I was crafting copy writing, & press releases. However, there’s no doubt there were girls who went there using their parents’ money, we should not be jealous, of course their parents want to provide the best life for them. 

The next thing I’m going to talk about is my most regret, I had lots of regret. The last  year’s Ramadhan, I used my saving money treating my siblings and their family with the scrumptious iftar. No one forced me, it was my sole decision, still, to be frank, I feel pressurized to do such thing because I have been burdening my siblings since the first day my mom died, than when my dad passed away. Of course I feel like I had to do it no matter how much saving I had. It was a two-times thing. I had been dreaming to do so even before I had my very first job, so I did. Alhamdulillah, I was very proud of myself for sharing the rizq I had with those who had sacrificed a lot for me – the college fees, flight tickets, meals, clothing & everything. I couldn’t thank them enough for everything, I don’t have any idea my life would be without my siblings & their spouses.

However, when I was jobless and my saving money was getting out of my reach, I put one of the blames on this, Astaghfirullah. I was mad at myself for saying yes, to treat them. I wouldn’t say how much money I had used for treating them. It was huge for me on that time. Because I thought, I could be doing lots of things with it, like paying for a car down-payment or travelling or applying for a mortgage loan. Come to think of it, the money I’d wasted on wasn’t the one I used to pay the bills for the iftars, it was when I bought expensive Starbucks or Coffee Beans’ drinks .

Why should I regret treating them if that was my goal when I was younger? I’m seriously mad at myself for being regretful on the noblest thing I’ve done. So, PLEASE guys, do not ever regret doing such a noble thing to anyone. Allah will multiply reward for the good deeds you’ve done.

Perhaps, it’s not in the same form, it could be in a better form, in which we would never see it’s coming our way. It could be why I’m so healthy, It could be why I’m working in the field I want, It could be why I have a car to go to work though it’s not my car, It could be why I am never starving, It could be anything.

“Verily, Allah has recorded good and bad deeds and He made them clear. Whoever intends to perform a good deed but does not do it, then Allah will record it as a complete good deed. If he intends to do it and does so, then Allah the Exalted will record it as ten good deeds up to seven hundred times as much or even more. If he intends to do a bad deed and does not do it, then Allah will record for him one complete good deed. If he does it then Allah will record for him a single bad deed.”

TO BE CONTINUED…with part 2

LOVE,

Nana

SKIN COLOR SHAMING NEVER STOPS

THOUGHTS

Assalamualaikum. ❤

Recently I came across a Facebook post about the tense relationship between a daughter-in-law and her mother-in-law. Conflict emerged when the mother-in-law criticising her newborn grandchild’s dark skin that’s probably inherited from her daughter-in-law.

Then, when I scrolled through my Instagram News’ Feed yesterday, an 18 years old girl with dark skin tone shared her experience of being mocked by Malay boys because of her skin color.

Not just that, she still receives such comments up until now which I don’t find it unusual at all.

Here’s the thing, I’m not at all fortunate looking, unquestionably not lucked out in the look department because of my skin color. I’ve never been a fair-skinned girl, Malay boys don’t find me attractive. But let’s be perfect honest, that’s not an excuse for the Malay boys to demean one’s skin colour.

Born with a tanned skin tone is conventional in Malaysia, but in our Malay society, I’m normally stereotyped as the girl with a very dark skin tone who’s no one would marry me when I grow up.

Well, let me ask you a question, ‘Does marriage determine a girl’s beauty?’

“Islam teaches us that the standard of beauty is not what colour one’s skin is, but rather, one’s piety, one’s good actions and one’s conduct towards others. A white person has no superiority over a black, nor does a black have any superiority over a white, except by piety and the fear of Allah (Taqwa).” – Quote from Mufti Muhammad Bin Adam al-Kawthari.

This skin colour humililation need to STOP NOW.

When I was in primary school and high school, my skin got too dark even though to the minor sun exposure. Unlike some of my fair-skinned friends, they just turned red and if they were lucky enough, either the sunburned skin peeled off or faded easily.

That led to the remarkable incident from when I was 15 years old. A best friend of mine who’s a fair-skinned girl made fun of my dark skin tone.

One day, she took a white liquid paper and drew a line on my hand, she then asked me what was the difference. To be frank, I didn’t notice anything.

Therefore, she drew the similar line on her hand. She asked the same question and still, I replied with the same answer, because I noticed nothing. Consequently, she revealed that, I couldn’t barely see the difference on her hand because of how ‘fair’ she is, while; the white line on my hand appeared very noticeable. Then she began to laugh.

I didn’t know how I was supposed to feel? Upset? The only thing I knew was later when I was home, I cried. That was one of the buckets of the similar experience. It wasn’t that humiliated as compared to the others, yet how was I supposed to move on from that point?

Because it was one of the reasons why sometimes I’m not comfortable receiving compliments, or why I had a very poor self-esteem. To some extent; I used to believe no matter how many times I tried to beautify myself, I would ever be the ugly duckling among my circle of friends and family.

Actually, come to think of it, I never really erased about anything that has to do with the skin colour mockery. I can recall every bits and pieces of the other degrading moments:

  • My sister & my brother: Who’s on earth would marry our little sister? Look at how dark she is. 
  • My male friend: The bollywood themed really suits you, you have ‘such’ skin.
  • My male best friend: How can you said you and your cousin could be sisters while you have darker skin. It followed by his giggles. 
  • My male best friend: Na, you’re ‘whiter’ than X, really, trust me. And he laughed at me. (X is way fairer than me so if you don’t get it, he was being sarcastic)

I’d no idea what were their intention, what had gotten into my mind was, those were the indirect insults they had never considered or realised. Conversely, I couldn’t help but seeing the good qualities in them. Thus I tried my best to not take it too personally.

However, when it comes to the said humiliations, I’m still highly sensitive, as always. Just so you know, I often look back at the moments and ponder was It always jokes for some of you? Was it because you thought we’re too close and sharing the same ‘sense of humor’ might make us closer?

It could break a relationship, we never know.  Few topics should be off-limit for jokes!

Forcing on genuine laugh was no doubt my forte, since If I voiced out how I felt, the answer would be the same, ‘Ala Nana ni, nak melawak/ gurau pun tak boleh‘, and it ended up with me being overly sensitive or I wasn’t ‘cool’ enough.

No wonder some Malaysian girls go all out bleaching their skin to the point that, they’re now thousand times fairer than European – they are concerned about how others look at them, banishing their insecurity might be the best option.

Alhamdulillah, never in million years a thought of skin whitening crosses my mind. No matter how offended or sad I felt before, I wouldn’t want to change a thing on my body including plucking my eyebrow.

Because I want to be me, period. It would feel peculiar to be someone else, I always love the idea of how unique each one of us.

Apparently I turned to be a thick skin person, in spite of being ridiculed so many times of my skin complexion. From the very first to the recent skincare set that I bought, they’re the ones to clean my skin better, not to brighten my skin.

How I wish a lot of young girls out there do the same, to not give a damn. Trust me, I know it will never be easy. Because, skin-color shaming has not just been a source of jokes since years, it’s literally becoming a culture in Malaysia.

When I was in my teen years, the facial cleanser TV commercials were mostly about whitening the skin; ‘kulit cerah dan berseri dalam masa 2 minggu’.

Come on la, kalau gelap tak berseri ke?

Moreover, if you pay attention to the bride’s makeup trend from the late 1990s till now, the still ‘in’ trend; applying the quite lighter colour foundation on the tanned skin brides will remain here.

I’ve never been such a huge fan of this idea! I reckon, a makeup artist is supposedly enhancing the bride’s beauty instead of hiding it.

I adore some Malaysian celebrities like Ning Baizura, Dayang Nurfaizah and Nabila Huda. They embrace their beautiful skin color, it’s difficult for me to find them ‘looking so fair’. I love, love and love seeing Nabila and Ning’s wedding makeup, they still look like themselves under those layers of makeup.

Thank god! Lately, the natural makeup looks for the dark skin brides start to penetrate into the beauty trend in Malaysia.

On the other hand, I’m truly frustrated to see the inundated numbers of local skincare products which aim to lighten the skin color. And not to mention, some celebrities who’re the idols for the young girls, are noticably known for their changes from ‘berkulit sawo matang to putih melepak’.

In a way, TV advertisement, bride’s makeup trend, local skincare products, celebrities, and etc. do imply that, to be accepted in a so-called beautiful circle, ones must have a fair skin.

And eventually  sending out the message that it’s not a big deal mocking those dark-skinned girls, because they aren’t supposed to be darker, they are supposed to be fairer instead.

Most people would question why some of the girls out there took much longer time editing their selfie prior uploading into the social media. Perhaps they choose the beauty filter to brighten their face,  I’m guessing.  But truthfully? that’s basically what society desires to see.

I’m not knowledgeable when it comes to fatwa or hadith, been reading a wide array of reading materials do provide me better insights concerning several matters. Here you go, hope this does help you understand better:

Using face-lightening creams does not entail mutilation (muthla) or altering Allah’s creation (taghyir khalq Allah) since there is no specific operation to be undergone with a view to change the colour of the skin forever. As such, using such creams is not unlawful.

However, it is a kind of excessive beautification which is not warranted in Islam. Allah Most High has created each human being with a beauty that best suits him/her, and as slaves of Allah, we should be content and happy with what Allah has created us with.

Indeed, Islam allows us, in genuine cases of need, to bring back to normality areas of the body that are deformed or damaged, but is having a dark skin really a form of abnormality?

As such, even though using a cream that lightens one’s skin colour can not be deemed unlawful per se, it is nevertheless going against the spirit of the teachings of Allah Most High and His beloved Messenger (Allah bless him & hive him peace).

Can we just be proud of the way we’re created by Allah s.w.t?

Until when you’ll keep on degrading one’s skin colour? Would you stop if I start calling you by the specific insecurities of your body parts? ‘Jongangnye kau/ Busuk la ketiak kau/ Kau makin gemok lah sekarang/’

No worries, I won’t humiliate myself by being mean towards others and indirectly degrade myself to your level. I won’t be a psychological bully like you.

 

Love.

Nana

DO YOU HAVE YOUR 2018 RESOLUTIONS?

WISHES

Assalamualaikum & Hello y’all!

2017 is coming to an end, in a few hours.  It makes you want to get away with every worst thing you’ve done in 2017, whether it’s consciously or accidentally done.

That’s where I found myself within the last 31 days of 2017. I had been worried about how to move on. Move on isn’t only used when you are moving on from your cheating ex-girlfriend or an abusive ex-boyfriend. Moving on means you finally agreed to leave your past life behind, the bad experiences you’ve dealt with throughout 2017.

And for me, moving on is when I can eventually forgive myself for messing up my own life. For days and nights in the past recent months, I had spent  worrying on what comes next, how I am going to face and live the future life I’ve been so devoted waiting for.

Not just I was desperately waiting for 2018 to come, I’ve been anticipating on the ‘bucket things’ I’ve been wanting so bad. For instance, I always wish to see myself persistently doing something I am passionate about, like keep on writing, any kind of writing macam this blog, who knows kan kot la jadi macam Hanis Zalikha dapat jadi retis (lmao, jokes guys jokes, okay?), keep on improvising pasta sauces for my own selera & tekak, keep on eating, any kind of food except telor masak separuh (kenot brain la why you guys can eat that)

So yeah, I do have 2018 resolutions, some people told me before, if you keep on telling people you want to do it or if you pen about it on more than a piece of paper, eventually you’ll manifest it for real.

Along the way, there must be at least 1 person who’ll keep on crushing your dreams. Perhaps, It might be everyone around you. Or maybe, your closest friends or family members? Who knows right?

Enough with the #dreamcrushers thingy as for now. I want to list down my resolutions for 2 0 1 8 (so far). Please don’t laugh if you find it kinda ridiculous or nonsense, cut me some slack, will ya?

1. Have a better anger management!

A somewhat difficult task to execute yet it’s like a key to the happiness of my life. I’m in love with this quote from Laurence J. Peter:9

Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret”

Phewww, this quote is surely a facepalm! I tend to lose my temper easily, at times, and when I did so, it was either I vented out the anger, frustration, and hatred to the person who left the ache in me or to someone else who had nothing to do with that. Consequently, it would often ignite the self-hatred for being so mean towards others.

I can’t never stay mad at people for so long, previously, I just looked like I was but I didn’t, guys.

So I’m guessing here what I have to do, try my best not to react too quickly when the anger comes and says ‘hi’.

Pretend that the room isn’t suffocating, with an open door, ten windows and perfect ventilation, so I won’t straight away responding without contemplation.

2. Stop being ‘quiet’ when people mistreat you!

My ex-classmates might see me as that-girl-with-the-self-confidence who could stand up in front of 100 people in class and present smoothly.

However when it comes to stand up for myself, there’s no 100 % guarantee I can accomplish it. Normally I took an easy route and being the quiet girl who keeps to herself.

Being quiet is my version of running away from the situation, it was the best problem solving method I could use. Then, I realized the real reason why these several people keep on mistreating me, because, I thought living in a silent world would stop them from remembering me, whereas all they saw was, my cowardice.

What I should do in future? Easy! Stand up for myself, confront them, and let they know it’s NOT okay for them to treating me like a crap.

What If they (friends) still keep on treating me like a crap shortly after the confrontation? Easy, they have crossed the limits they shouldn’t have at the first place, now it’s on me to angkat kaki & blah.

It’s not when my voice is raised that you should worry,  it’s when I have nothing more to say.” – J. Iron Word

But, what if they are your closest family Nana? Keep on standing up for yourself until they are too exhausted to push you down.

3. Don’t afraid of taking a chance!

Okay, this is definitely NOT the easiest thing to do. It scared the hell out of me just to take a chance. It scared me to think of the worst outcome if I take this chance or that chance.

Take this as an instance, when you’re in the midst of searching for the direction to go to your best friend’s wedding reception, all of sudden you get lost, they’re 2 routes in front of you and you took the right route because you felt it might be the one. Turned out it’s the wrong one. But at least you took the chance just so you could get to see your best friend.

See? It’s not a mistake you’ve gotten by taking the chance, it’s ONLY not the right one for you.

Well, same goes in taking a chance for your lifetime, if you feel like you’re going to perform so well by being a photographer despite the fact that everyone around you keeps on telling you NO.

Go for it, chase it and fight for it.

No dude, you can’t survive in such competitive world.’ Or ‘Why you’re chasing this dream while you can have a secure profession with that degree of yours?

Yes, no doubt there’s a tendency it won’t work out for you but at least you make a try. How would you ever know if you refuse on trying?

There’s no certainty in everything in life.

Although you own a degree in law and is currently working in a law firm – doesn’t mean it’s a form of assurance that it would be your lifetime career.

Like right now, I’m currently taking a chance of falling in love with this man, it has been 4 months we’re in the phase of getting to know each other and I would keep on taking a chance on him. If it won’t work out in the middle of the road, he might not be the Jodoh I’ve been hoping for. And if he’s my Jodoh, all the risks I’ve taken so far are worthwhile. (:

Quit on being scared of taking a chance, begin to take the risks instead.

4. Mark ✔ next to several of my ‘bucket lists’!

It doesn’t have to be my forever-going-on-and-on-bucket-lists, enough if I could do something in each month of 2018. Because, if you question me about forever, I would list all 100 things I want to do in life. (And that would involve my future husband and kids. Aww. Long way to go Nana.)

Like me, you must have been desiring on doing some things for years. In 2018, it’s time for me to bring few into action.

Okay let me share what’s mine! Some of my friends are avid travellers, they would travel once or twice per month. Alhamdulillah, rezeki mereka. Probably, they had planned it for months or years, they might have been saving money so that they could realizing their travelling dreams.

I love travelling! Who doesn’t love it, right? I believe most of you are fond of going to new magnifique places too. However due to the time constraint, financial concern, and other unavoidable responsibilities, I have to be smart in planning my vacation.

Hence, if I would be able to have a vacation at least twice a year pun dah syukur. It doesn’t have to be luar negara je, our country, Malaysia has countless of the must-places to visit in your lifetime like the beguile islands, historical spots, and etc.

Hence, my so-called-2018-dream-destinations would be, travelling to an Asian country and another one would be an island in Malaysia. In Sha Allah.

You must be wondering kenapa 2 je? Because I have something more permanent and way crucial to be put into consideration like buying a car and a house. Buying a car and a house might not be in your bucket list at the age of 25 or in the year of 2018, but yeah it’s in mine.

Being the youngest in my siblings and an orphan urges the intention of being independent, sampai bila I have to be manja and senang lenang by using my siblings’ cars and staying at their houses. Don’t get me wrong, they never berkira. It’s me who wants it.

No worries, fyi, I’m not gunning for an expensive car, the smaller size and a slightly affordable car would be enough. Same goes to the house, a small apartment will do (macam skim rumah pertamaku), as long as I could be a self-reliant young woman who’s building my own life without being too spoiled of having too many older siblings.

Hmmm… what else? Well, who doesn’t feel triggered to do the adventurous activities in their lifetime? I’m one of those who love anything involving height. I always want to do paragliding, parachuting or bungee jumping. In sha Allah I’ll find a way and a time to do it in this year (sebab while I menulis ni it’s aleeady 12: 17 a.m.)

P/S: Do not wait for others, make it unstoppable though when people say no. If your friends bail on you on your road trip, for instance, just go for it but please ensure to do the thorough research beforehand. 😉

5. Keep on embracing my passions

I’d came across this quote and damnnn.

Follow your own passion, not your parents, not your teachers – yours!” 

I’m always into books, I used to dream of having my own bookstore one day, just because of how I love books. And everyone knows how I love cooking and eating pasta, I wish the bookstore will be attached to my pasta cafe. Ha ha ha. Well, you don’t miss a thing by dreaming big, guys. There would be no wifi because I want you to engulf yourself in the reading journey while savouring my scrumptious pasta. (P/S: Dream big guys and don’t quit on your daydream)

I made a huge step several days ago and have been planning for a while. I’m turning a passion of mine into a source of making money. While I’m currently in the midst of looking for a new job, why not I do something that I’m not just good at it but crazy in love with it? Cooking pasta and selling it.

To be honest, everytime I cook pasta whether for my beloved family or friends, it’s like I have my own favoritism time with it.

Don’t get me wrong, I would wholeheartedly cook my few bestest Malay dishes too, like Sambal Goreng Jawa, Kuah Kacang or Kuah Lodeh.

Just that I could literally witness the most genuine smile when they’re savouring the food that stands out most in their memories, it’s like bringing us back to the time we had before.

It’s undeniable that I’m quite a strong-willed girl who’ll still chasing a dream while knowing few people around her are smirking, shaking their heads, and ridiculing her dream. I’m in the middle of writing a book, haven’t reach as many words as it should have been in order to produce a novel. On the other hand, it’s a positive progress on my side. I’ve crafted 10,000 words so far and I’ll keep on writing slowly but surely. Nothing impossible in this world.

Okie dokie, that’s it so far, the so-called Nana’s resolutions for 2018, I guess. He he. Btw, what’s your 2018 resolutions?

Be bold and do not forget to sprinkle some magic! Voila! 

  Love ❤,

Nana